What I learned today.....

This list is in no particular order so just go with it...lol

Will Ferrell is a worse actor than I originally thought. I caught pieces of Land of the Lost and he ruined what was actually one of my favorite shows when I was a kid.

I learned that I should let go of the past.  I can't change the things that I have done, I can only change how I act in the future and hope that I have learned from my mistakes.  The things that I do, make me, me.  Looking forward is so much better than looking back and continually tripping over my own feet.

On that same note, I can't keep beating myself up for mistakes that I made in my past.  I can only hope that people are forgiving.  If forgiveness is never granted, I can only move on alone and cherish the memories.  I only have control over ME and how forgiving I wish to be, no one else.  I am just thankful that God is much more forgiving than most people.

I learned that my aunt Lani is probably more likely my mother and that I have more in common with her than my biological mother.  Funny how much stuff you find that you have in common if you just talk.  I found out that she has the same love of sewing and even sews with a serger like me.  She also told me that they think she has psoriatic arthritis and fibromyalgia just like me.

I learned that my mom's family does NOT hold me accountable for my mom's actions and they just want to see ME.  I have been in fear of seeing them for so long because of my mom did and I shouldn't have been.  Even though I might have been embarrassed for my mom, I didn't do anything to my family and should have been more willing to see them because we have so much wasted time that can't be brought back.  I am fixing that today and meeting my aunts to catch up.  It will be a wonderful Sunday and a weight off of my chest!

I learned that I can serge a pair of pants for my grandson in under an hour from start to finish and they look as good, if not better, than a pair of fleece pants that can be bought in the store.

I learned that Christmas lights make me happy when I see them lit up after Thanksgiving.  Also, Christmas music on the radio AFTER Thanksgiving makes me a little giddy!  Some people in our subdivision go all out and it makes me happy that Christmas is fast approaching.

This is all for now but I am sure I will learn more today!

Until next time,

Mamalou

My First Blog Award!

I am so happy because I was just awarded my very first blog award and it couldn't come at a better time.  As anyone who reads my blog know, I have been feeling like caca for the past few weeks so it was so nice to smile about something.  Jen at The Nifty-Thrifty Lady  gave me the award for helping her out when she was just started out blogging with some helpful links and information.  It is always so nice to know that I was able to help out

By accepting this award I have agreed to:

• Thank the blogger who presented it to me and link back to her page.  Check Jen's blog out at the link on my right sidebar or above.  If you stop by, please tell her I sent you over.  She is very cool gal and it is always nice when folks leave feedback for you.
• Share 7 things about myself.
• Pass the award on to a newly discovered blog.  

Ohhhh, 7 things about me.....this could get interesting..lol.  

1. I have two obsessions that I can't get enough of.....shoes and jammies!  I wish that my body would have held up better so that I could wear some of the fierce heels that are out there now.  On the jammie subject, I have tons of flannel and cotton jammie bottoms, shorts, and t-shirts.  I love them and depending on how I feel some days, I might not get out of them.  Which leads me to #2.
2. I suffer from psoriatic arthritis AND fibomyalgia.  I give myself weekly shots (yeah me!) that are supposed to help but they don't.  Both seem to tag team each other so when it is not the weather messing with the arthritis, it is someone stressing me out or the arthritis meds messing with the fibro.
3. I lived in Arizona for 6 years.  I loved the people but hated the allergies.  I don't care what people say about Arizona being good for allergies because unless you have lived there, you don't understand that things have changed.  People have brought in different vegetation and there are so many man-made lakes and pools that the weather is different now than it was 40 years ago.  Also, if dust is one of your allergies, you are screwed.
4. I have very few female friends because honestly, I don't trust them.  I have been stabbed in the back way too many times and I don't take my friendships lightly.  I can't just "toss aside" a friendship, it is not in my makeup to just give up on people so it is easier to not even get involved.  The friends that I do have, I have had for years because I know they too just don't give up on people.  Thank you my YaYa for loving me through ALL of my faults and seeing the real me, even if I let you down or disappointed you.  YOU my dear are a true friend and I will love you till the day I die.  We may not see each other as much as we would like but I always know you are right here in my heart.
5. I was craftily retarded until I hit 30 years old and then I don't know what happened.  I started scrapbooking and liked it for about 5 minutes but got extremely bored.  I got into fusing glass a few years back and I love it but have had so much pain that I have been unable to do the steps down to my studio like I used to.  Through glass I got into the vinyl and I love it because it allows me to do a lot of computer designing.  In high school, I took sewing classes and bought a sewing machine awhile back that has just been accumulating dust.  I recently pulled it out and have been sewing.  It is relaxing and I love that I can complete a project in a couple of hours.  Sewing, I have found out, is kind of like riding a bike, you can stop for awhile but then start up again and the techniques and ideas just come flowing back.  In the past I have also knit and crocheted but it hurts my hands too much to do anymore so I will stick with the vinyl and sewing for now.
6. I can't lie.  I just can't physically do it because I have the guiltiest conscience and things just eat me alive if I do it.  However on that note, I have learned over the years that even if you tell the truth and speak your mind, there is a way to do it without being rude or disrespectful.  Which leads me into #7.
7. When I was growing up, there were two things that I wanted to be when I grew up, a chef or a lawyer.  Of course I am neither now but I do love to cook for my family and my son is in the culinary program at school so it seems he is following one of my dreams.  On the lawyer side, I have taken many college classes and even did an internship for a lawyer here in St. Louis and I loved it.  I always was afraid that I would never succeed at being a lawyer because of how I like to argue my point and speak the truth.  I had a lawyer tell me about 10 years ago, that I would have made or would make an incredible attorney because the arguing I do is not of a disrespectful nature but of a passionate nature.  I didn't know there was a difference until he explained this to me and many younger people need to realize this early and take note.  You don't need to curse someone up one end and back down the other to get your point across.  In fact, if you do it in a calm manner, sit down and explain the reasons you feel the way that you do and why, it generally makes for a better discussion.  

The blog that I would like to nominate is Patty from Patty Trends.  She has some of the coolest DIY stuff on her blog and she is a fellow Pinterest user.  If you have little ones, she has the most awesome tutorial for making a time out chair.   When you go by and see Patty, tell her I sent you.

Sick not Dead but Losing Faith

Sorry that I have been unavailable for the past few days.  I have been sick as a dog with a sinus infection and cough.  I am hoping that these horse pills kick in soon as this is day #3.  

Have you ever started to lose faith, I mean REALLY lose faith?  Lose faith that everything is going to turn out good, pain free, bill free, etc?  I am probably just having a little pity party for one but I never thought I would be disabled at 41 years old and have more pain filled days than pain free days.  Due to the Enbrel shots that I take, my immunity is shot and therefore I pick up everything.  Sadly, the shots are not even reducing my inflammation.  It has more than tripled in 2 months.  I am losing faith and I keep fighting to get someone, anyone to hear me or better yet,  understand what I am saying.  I love my husband with ALL of my heart, every ounce of my being, but he does not lose faith.  He is such a positive guy and I love him for that but he does not know how it feels to question God and ask "Why?".   That is probably why he is the man that I married and love so much, because he does not question and is so strong in his belief.  I normally am also until recently.  Until the pain has consumed my life and the fear has set in that this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of life.  So many meds have been tried, so many have failed or made my situation worse.  How do you stay strong and continue to have faith when you can't get an answer from a doctor on what you have to look forward to?

Slacking Inflamed Amy

Not really I don't normally slack a whole heck of a lot unless I am REALLY feeling like ca ca as my grandson says.  Went to have more blood drawn last Friday at my rheumatism's office (otherwise known as Dr. D) and my inflammation scores (commonly referred to by me as my CRaP score) has more than tripled in the past 2 months.  With the way I feel, I probably could have told you that without pulling 4 vials of blood.  Although I am getting used to the needles with my weekly shots so what's the diff if it is pulling blood out or shooting Enbrel in? Not much in my book anymore.  However, I endure these lovely shots each week in hopes of feeling better and not not more crappy.  I am dying to know how much Enbrel Phil Michelson is given each week so that he can go on the golf circus or circuit.  I see that dude out there fist pumping when he hits a good shot and I would like to be able to fist pump him!  Yeah Phil!  Hey, I am not bitter....I am happy for him that he is able to feel good, make money off of the meds and go on golf tours in Scotland.  I just want a pain free day, which would make for a happy home cause we all know, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".

I admit it, I have been crabby this past week and I shouldn't be.  I had a vinyl party at my friend Ginny's house last Tuesday night and it was so much fun to hang out and catch up and meet some cool gals.  But then the darkness takes hold when the pain hits and well, all you can say is ouch.  It makes you go to this dark place where you want to just curl in a ball in cry a little bit.  That stress then triggers the pain from the fibromyalgia and then the vicious circle begins again.  Anyway, Dr. D decided to put me on a round of prednisone to see if we can get the inflammation down but the stuff kills me. It is like taking a cup of espresso straight to the veins and I can't sleep at all while I am on it.  See, dark place now with no sleep!  BAAADDD!

So, blood test and Dr. D on Friday, started steroids on Saturday morning and then turn on the computer to see that Amy Winehouse was found dead.  OK, I get it, she's dead, but really, didn't you see this coming like a freight train?  I hate to sound harsh about it but come on, she has been off the charts (mentally and physically, not musically) for years from what you see about her in the news and the paparazzi always got her worst side, like running down the street in just a bra.  Yes, she had a great voice but she was a mess.  What is sad is how people are now glorifying her on Facebook and in the news.  Once again, it is a story of a girl who had an incredible gift and threw it away for drugs.  SHE threw it away, it was not taken from her.   She should not be glorified like she was an innocent bystander taking in 2nd hand smoke.  She participated, and just like the Lindsay Lohan's of this world, you have to pay the price if you take it too far.  Sad she had to pay with her life.  Maybe she should have listened to her Dad when he told her to go to rehab....

Until next time (and hopefully a better mood)
Mamalou