2011 Reflections and Thoughts for 2012

First I have to say that I don't believe in "resolutions".  I think that this is a sure way to set yourself up to fail.  Sure, I want to make changes in my health in 2012.  I want to eat better, exercise more, yadda yadda...don't we all?  That is so vague and I think it is better to hope for peace in our families and that we all have a more prosperous new year than to set a goal that I am going to feel guilty if I am unable to obtain.

With that said I would like to reflect on the past year and the events that have effected me and the people that I love and care for.  First, my Daddy married his equal, his partner, his true love.  THAT makes me so happy to see him and his new wife happy.  It doesn't necessarily make me think that my job here is done because I still know that I am his one and only favorite daughter (his words, not mine...lol).  He is still the first man that I loved but I am happy that he has found true happiness with Peggy.

With that being said, I also had to put closure on my situation with my mom and let go of the pain and heartache that I feel/felt.  I truly now realize that we are just completely different people with completely different morals and beliefs and I have to accept that she is never going to be the storybook mother that we all dream of.  People change and sometimes not for the better and sometimes it is just best to walk away and lick our wounds to heal.  She is not what I want for my life, period, and that is OK to say and stand behind.  When I say I have had enough and I see how the negativity is effecting those around me, I have to stand behind my own decisions and that is just what I have done.  One day it might change but right now I am in the healing phase and the wounds are too fresh to open that door again anytime soon.

Also in the past year, as I have talked about many times, my disabilities have gotten worse.  My psoriatic arthritis and fibromyalgia have been diagnosed but I am in no way close to resolving the issues that burden me daily.  It continues to be a daily struggle that I deal with and as the year drew to a close, I was on my 3rd round of antibiotics due to sinus infections and a horrible cough.  I have come to deal with the issues however and know that even when I feel horrible, life goes on.  I must still try to do things that I need to do and coming to grips with that knowledge that "I can't do everything" has been hard but I don't let it tear me up as I used to.

As we move into 2012, I will continue to learn to delegate and release some of the control of items to other family members.  It does not make me weak, it makes me loved that I have people around me that care about me enough to want to help. I need to accept the help and love without feeling like a lessor individual.  I am still working on that but getting much better.

Also, I have learned that I need to make better choices on the people that I let into my life.  Unfortunately I have made some choices in the past that have not been so great.  Friendships are a give and take and I never intentionally hurt anyone.  I have learned who my true friends are and who really couldn't care less.  I guess it takes an illness to see how strong a friendship really is.  On that same note, I have met some extraordinary people this past year (yeah Dawn, you're in there :)) that have taught me some wonderful things about friendship.

On a closing note, I wish all of my readers a very happy new year and hope that all of your wishes and dreams come true in the upcoming year.  You all deserve the best and don't accept anything less!  Thank you all for reading about my antics and rants and I hope you stay around for more!  Love you all!

Until next time,
Mamalou