Saturday, November 19, 2011

Physical Age Does not Define your Maturity

I just have to get this down and off of my head and heart because it really bothers me.  When things bother me and I can't talk about them with anyone that will make a difference, I may as well self com-bust!

OK, so we have my grandson's 2nd birthday party today which has been planned for the last couple of months.  My daughter in law asks all of the grandma's (3 of us total, her mom, myself, and my husband's ex) to get together and make cupcakes.  Bless her heart, she thought it would be any easy and smart way to get the cupcakes done in one sitting so that the rest of the time could be spent on the other food items, decorating, etc.  I am friendly with her parents just fine and offered up my house to do the baking but of course there is always one person who can't get along with ANYONE regardless of the issue or even that it isn't about her, it is about our grandson in common.  The excuse used was that she would feel uncomfortable in our home as we SHOULD in hers.  First, I don't feel uncomfortable there and in fact was there earlier the day before.  Walked right in with both of my step-sons, went into the bedroom to get my grandson's clothes, dressed him and went on my way.  In fact, I have been in there quite a few times.  I learned from my step-daughter years ago that no one MAKES you feel uncomfortable, that is you doing it to yourself.

So, even with her feelings of discomfort, I still extended a text invitation directly from me, stating that she was  more than welcome to come and help as this day is about our grandson.  It was ignored just as any text that I send.  Ignored and not responded to even though she knew that she had other plans.  These other plans included paying $50 for a cupcake cake for the birthday boy....more cupcakes.  Now, had WE (daughter in law, her mom and 2 sisters, my husband and myself) not spent at least 3 hours making and decorating 75 cupcakes, this wouldn't have been an issue....but we did.  We bought the cake mix, as well as the eggs, oil, frosting, kit and stuff that she wanted to use to fill the cupcakes and set aside this time weeks ago to do this.  This morning I was up early making the chicken, rice, and the beans for the meal with help from my daughter in law but had we not wasted all of that time last night on the cupcakes......the whole meal could have been completed and packed up ready to go to the party site last night and it wouldn't have been a mad dash.  But it was and it all could have been avoided by stepping out of her shoes for a mere second and into the others helping.  She would have seen how much time and energy was being wasted on something that wasn't needed.  If you choose to pay that much for cupcakes, that is on you but now we have 75 cupcakes left over because she wanted to "make a point".  Point taken but I am sure the point that you were trying to make is probably not the point that I took away from this.

Points I am taking away from this:

  • after being married to my hubby for almost 6 years, you WON'T change 
  • you ARE still so self absorbed that you don't care about what anyone else has to go through
  • you ARE so petty and childish that you need to draw attention to yourself 
  • for some reason, EVERYONE is scared of confronting your childlike behavior, but not me
  • you ARE immature or you would just suck it up and be a normal for one day out of the year
  • you ARE nothing but a trouble making, drama queen or you would have either not done this or let everyone know your individual plan in advance.
In the future, I need to consider everything that I do for you or you are included in.  I never like "what's in it for me" because what I do for others is from me because I want to help, but I do need to consider "how will she use this against me".  When everything I do comes back to bite me, she makes it quite difficult being cordial at all but I have always strived to be.  Example, her mom passes away last year right before Christmas.  I knew that she was away from our grandson for 3 or so weeks so I sent her pictures via text so she could see how he was doing.  I also sent a custom memorial vinyl saying on canvas down to her for the funeral.  Never a thank you by the way for any of it. When I have made an error or let her get under my skin, I have apologized for things I have said, to her face nonetheless, but sadly she interprets that she is perfect and that she has not done anything worthy of an apology.  My God is the only perfect person in my life.   When she had colon cancer, I always made sure that the kids took home food for her when they were over.  No acknowledgment for any of this either.   By my doing these things, she is under the very UNREAL idea that I want to be her friend.  Her kids tell me this. Honestly, I have enough friends but there is absolutely no reason that you need to be such a malicious backstabber to me when I was not involved in your divorce, nor have I ever done wrong by any of your children.  I need to take her for what she is, a miserable, unmarried, lonely woman.  A little less self absorption and a little more self reflection may help in these areas.

I am done venting for, I actually do feel better!

PS.  the cupcake cake that she purchased was REALLY purchased by us anyway as she was hunting my husband down for the child support check early.  Now maybe if we could get her to actually pay her debts to my husband from the home equity that she has owed him for about 8 years......THAT will have to be for another post!

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